Comparing
Mentioning what a friend's child is doing ends the conversation immediately.
A one-page guide for parents of school leavers
10 questions to ask instead of “So what's your plan for next year?”
Questions that open the conversation instead of asking a young person to produce a finished answer about a future they have not lived yet.
“So what's your plan?” is a fair question. It is also the fastest way to end the conversation.
Most school leavers do not have a finished answer, so they shrug, say “I don't know”, and both of you walk away frustrated. You wanted information. They heard a test they had failed.
These questions ask for direction, not certainty.
The ten questions
Curiosity, skills and small next steps are easier to answer than one enormous career decision.
- What are you curious about at the moment?
Curiosity is easier to answer than ambition. It also tells you more.
- What's one thing you'd like to be better at by this time next year?
Moves the conversation from career to skill. Skills are choosable. Careers feel permanent.
- Whose job looks interesting to you?
People are a softer entry point than industries, and it can lead to a useful introduction.
- What would make this a year you're glad you took?
Ask them to define success in their own words. You will learn what they are actually measuring.
- What's the part you're least looking forward to?
The fear is often the real blocker. Naming it costs nothing and changes the conversation.
- What would you try if you knew you could stop after a month?
Removes the weight of permanence. Most hesitation is about feeling trapped.
- What do you want to be able to show for this year?
Introduces evidence gently. A year that produces something visible feels different.
- What's the smallest thing you could do this week?
One email, one phone call, one conversation. Momentum starts smaller than expected.
- What do you need from me — and what should I stay out of?
Gives them ownership and gives you a job that is actually useful.
- When should we talk about this again?
Turns the conversation into a rhythm instead of an ambush. Let them set the date.
Three things to avoid
Good questions still need the right setting.
Solving it in one sitting
The pressure to resolve everything now is what makes them go quiet.
Asking in public
Family lunches are not the place. Nobody thinks clearly with an audience.
What a good gap year should have produced by December
A gap year does not need to end in a career decision. It should end in evidence.
- One outside referenceA manager, coach, coordinator or client who saw them work.
- Some money earnedThe amount matters less than learning what it takes to earn it.
- Two or three clear storiesWhat they did, what went wrong and what they would change.
- One demonstrable skillSomething they can show rather than simply claim.
- Something they organisedA project, event, trip or service owned from start to finish.
- Something they ruled outTrying and deciding against a path is a useful result.
- A narrower shortlistNot necessarily final, but clearer than it was in January.
- A folder of evidencePhotos, references, outputs, screenshots, certificates and reflections.
The mid-year check: around June, review the list. If fewer than three are on track, it is not a crisis. It is a signal to change something while there is still time.
Where this comes from
The evidence folder is called a Proof Folder. After every experience, the student saves one piece of evidence that something changed: a reference, photo, reflection, result or output.
By December it is not a memory. It is a body of proof for applications, interviews, bursaries, first jobs and their own confidence.
Confidence is not a pep talk. Confidence is evidence.
The full Proof Folder system, quiz, three Gap Year Modes, Skill Stack and quarterly experience planner are inside The Gap Year Map.